I’ll never forget the time I taught empathy in a men’s Federal Prison–alone. The guard told me I might want to cancel, since no other facilitator had come. “I’m going to do it,” I said.
I walked into the concrete room with 18 men and sat down. After an uncomfortable silence, we began. After an opening exercise, one of the prisoners brought up an issue he was having with his girlfriend on the “outside.” She had cheated on him with another man. I could see he was visually distressed, feeling enough rage to do violence. I gave him empathy, meaning, we discussed what his emotions were and what needs of his were not being met. He felt deeply heard and I could see him relax and begin to let go.
Next, I steered the conversation onto thin ice. We talked about what his girlfriend might be going through that would lead her to do that. What were her feelings, what were her needs? Perhaps she was lonely because her man was in prison. Perhaps she was afraid he would be angry, so she tried to hide the affair from him. I could see the men in the room move from bewilderment to dawning recognition of the freedom of this perspective.
I left that room feeling elated. We’d faced a tough situation, had a fierce conversation. and had come out of it with more understanding, more peace.
Furthermore, I knew I had created emotion and psychological safety in one of the most unsafe places in the world: a men’s federal prison. Psychological safety is a big deal. You may know about Google’s Aristotle project, based on Harvard research, which discovered that “psychological safety” is the single most important advantage of productive, high performing teams.
I’d proven to myself that empathy, correctly sequenced, transforms culture. Empathy engages people. Gallup estimates that in 2024, there is a $9.6 Trillion opportunity for companies willing and able to “crack the disengagement code.”